The Mother-In-Law

When I confronted my husband the next morning, I was informed that was not a diaper that was a pull-up.  I looked at him and asked him "In what world would that diaper be considered a pull-up?  I was told that I did not know much and his mother assured him that Chrystene wearing this was fine.  Another argument ensued, I told him that she should be completely potty trained at age four and maybe if she had issues with her bladder or kidney problems sometimes would have to wear a pull-up.  I called the pediatrician that morning to make an appointment to make sure that Chrystene was healthy and had no problems.  I understand that children can be bed wetters my younger sister did for a very long time.  Chrystene did not use the toilet!!!!   My mother-in-law lived one house down from us (NEXT BIG MISTAKE).  I received a phone call asking me to come down, that they wanted to talk to me.  I walked down and knocked on the door.  I was told to politely come in, when I walked in the door I was verbally attacked by both of his parents.  They were screaming at me that I didn't know anything that she was this child's mother, and to let well enough alone.  I walked out the screen door with his mother following me still screaming at me.  She grabbed my arm and turned me to her she went to slap me and I grabbed her wrist and told her flat out if she hit me she better be prepared to go to jail for assault.  My girlfriend and her daughter (my daughter's best friend) were driving by and she slammed on the brakes, and they both jumped out and ran to me.  My mother-in-law was screaming that nobody would believe me that I was a ______ .  My girlfriend who worked for the County Judge told her you already assaulted her by grabbing her that way and I am willing to press charges if Marianne will let me.  She stormed back in the house, I could not believe what had just occured.  In my family nothing like this would have even been thought of.  I thought that nothing could get worse that night, I was wrong.  My husband acted like I was the one who was at fault.  I cried myself to sleep. 

My next discovery

The next night after my extremely busy day at work, I arrived home got the children from the babysitters and Chrystene from my husband's parents.  My husband had left for work so that left just me to get supper, get homework done and get my other daughter to gymnastics class.  Chrystene told me she had to use the bathroom, I took her in to the room and discovered she is wearing a diaper.  Mind you this is a four year old child, I was in complete disbelief.  Where was I at?  What had I missed in the time that we were dating?  I took Chrystene to the toilet and she proceeded to throw her super tantrum.  I could not believe this I grabbed my cell phone to try to call my husband and of course was unable to get through.  Chrystene was afraid of the toilet, I could not believe that he had hidden this from me.  How did I miss this?  Every time I had her before I knew I didn't see a diaper.  We made a game of flushing Cheerios down the toilet, she squealed with delight every time that they went around in the bowl, but still refused to use the toilet.  I was changing a four year old child's diaper.  I was furious, who had done this to this child?  How could they get away with this and why was she so afraid of the toilet? 

The first night that Chrystene stayed in her room was (only one word to describe it) horrific. Here was the cutest four year old child with the personality of an angel one moment and a complete demon the next. Let me explain something first, my husband and Chrystene previously lived with his parents he worked a mixed shift schedule so his parents helped with Chrystene. Unfortunately, for me the first night she slept in our house he was working the midnight shift. Chrystene screamed for a sippy cup as she called it, unbeknownst to me his mother was giving this child a sippy cup full of Kool Aid to fall asleep with. I refused, I couldn't believe that a responsible person would give a child Kool Aid at night. I'm in health care and I couldn't even, didn't even want to know what kind of condition her teeth were in.  Chrystene screamed endlessly, let me describe this scream, this is not a normal tantrum by a child.  Chrystene could scream for hours and hours, you think eventually the child will pass out NO!!  The sound of this scream could and would make your skin crawl.  It was endless, sounded inhuman, and was terrifying.  The other children, came into my room very upset and wanted to know what was wrong with her.  I told them that she wanted  Kool Aid  they were in disbelief that she would be screaming like that over something so "silly".  They tried their very best to calm Chrystene down but she was having no part of it. She refused to be held and rocked, refused to let me read her anything.  I finally relented and gave her a sippy cup of water, which she promptly threw down and continued to scream.  My kids all crawled into my bed with the television up loud enough to drown out the screams and mercifully fell asleep around two thirty.  Tomorrow was a school day, I was sick with worry what had I gotten myself into?  I fell asleep sitting outside in the hallway outside of Chrystene's room from sheer exhaustion.  I woke up the next morning when the alarm sounded in my room.  Chrystene was sound asleep in her toddler bed, the other children were tired, grumpy and angry at me.  I couldn't blame them they had only four hours of sleep and had a full day of school ahead of them.  I was exhausted and I had a full twelve  hours ahead of me that day.  I was glad I was the department manager and had no patient care that day (I thought).  My husband arrived home, wanting to know why everyone was so tired and grumpy.  I proceeded to tell him of the occurrences during the night.  I was dumbfounded when his reply to me was "Not my sweet Chrystene, she would never do that".  I turned to him and asked him if he was calling me a liar?  His reply was that I was just mistaken and he was sure it wouldn't happen again.  I peeked in on Chrystene sleeping peacefully away, oblivious to all the noise around her.  I got the children off to school and cried the entire way to work.  It was the second day of my family being together and my life was in total chaos.  My husband not believing what I was telling him about Chrystene devastated me.  How could he even begin to doubt me? 

When I knew....

When I met my husband, I was the divorced mother of 3 wonderful children.  My  future husband had full custody of his daughter.  If you think about it, that was amazing in itself; in our county that was almost an impossibility.  I loved his sweet little four year old girl Chrystene (name changed).  My mother's intuition was in high gear around Chrystene and I should have listened to it.  I knew that this child was different, but I couldn't put my finger on it and I knew that my future mother-in-law was a different sort of person herself ( that is another story) so I didn't dwell on it to much.  When Chrystene and my hubby finally became established members in our household I soon faced the worst nightmare a woman could ever imagine.  I now had a child who was four years old and completely afraid to step outside, she would stand in the doorway and scream at her shadow. I was unaware of this, my husband did a remarkable job at hiding this fact.  I always wondered why he carried her everywhere, now I had my answer.  I was dismayed how could this be?  I loved the outdoors, how could I play with my children and yet not leave Chrystene out?  I quickly thought of  a game of  "Everybody jump on your shadows"  then we proceeded to "Everyone jump on everyone else's shadows".  Luckily for me with the other children Chrystene played along.  Hubby was amazed at my mothering skills, I told him that something was not right, that a child that age is curious about things and mostly fearless.  His retort was that Chrystene was a sensitive child and was afraid of many things.   Thus ensued the first of many arguments, as I look at it now I was completely unaware of how my family would never be the same, never be "normal" again.  That I would become a different person and how my parenting skills would become quoted as "outside the box."  I always thought that as long as you did not give someone the "power"  you could control any situation.  Soon I would learn that my lifelong beliefs were completely wrong.